Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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