I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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