idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
