Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
