I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
