Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
