i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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