I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
