Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Boobs are out for the taking
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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