pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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