My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
