I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
