Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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