look no pants
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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