i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
