Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
