Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
