just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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