2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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