just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You made out with two different species that night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
