everyone is single if you try hard enough
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
