And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
