Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
