my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
