Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
