im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
