how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
