Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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