I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
