I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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