Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
