Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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