well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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