I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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