I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
