Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish you could order shots online.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
