I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
