Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
