just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
