My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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