'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
