Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
