one two three fourrrrnication!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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