marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
