If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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