you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
