I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
