My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
