I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
