I just pynch a tree in the face
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
