dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
