The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am one with the molecules
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
