That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
