sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
