My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
