I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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