remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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