that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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