You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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