During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
