so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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