My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
