went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I need to stop coming to work sober
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
