She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
