Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
do herpes really smell.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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