there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
