Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
