Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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